i wish my penis had a tongue
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
