Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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