i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
