What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize