If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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