capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
