my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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