There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
