Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
