sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
