oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
do nipples grow back?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
