You're earring is so big in my mouth
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
