dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
