He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I think my fart just growled at me.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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