What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
