so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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