Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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