please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
