i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
