i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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