I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
