lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize