I got chris browned last night
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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