My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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