did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Every concussion has its silver lining
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
