No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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