Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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