I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
