oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
