dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
