i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
