I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
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