I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize