I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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