Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
