Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
