The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
