Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
