shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
