Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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