I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Randomize
