I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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