never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
