there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
