ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
