you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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