Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
