ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
