We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
