Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
