I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
