He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize