Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize