Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
