You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
