My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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