worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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