Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
we're making bets on your personal life
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
