im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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