What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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