McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
