Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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