I'm gonna have a badass scar
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize