i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
