When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
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