If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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