I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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