I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
