I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
