I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
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