My nipple is on Facebook.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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