Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
