Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
