I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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